Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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