covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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