Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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