You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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