She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
