Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
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i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
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But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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