Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize