Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
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Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
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She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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