i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
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you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
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The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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