I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
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Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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