I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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