At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
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I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
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It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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