well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
