Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
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I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
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That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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