You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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