Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
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Are my feet made of real feet?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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