I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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