I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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