If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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