Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
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She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
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Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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