I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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