You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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