Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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