She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
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Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
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Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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