My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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