I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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