I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
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well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
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WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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