We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
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i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
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Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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