I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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