Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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