I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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