theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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