Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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