it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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