I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
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he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
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For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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