someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize