My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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