R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
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I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
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learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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