If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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