The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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