I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
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my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
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You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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