Don't make out with my wife yet
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize