Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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