do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize