There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize