I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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