is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize