I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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