the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize