I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
