Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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