How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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