remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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