I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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